November 17, 2014

Plus-One or Plus-None?

Although I aspire to keep my bridal blogging free of “problems,” sometimes it’s necessary to discuss unforeseen circumstances that interfere with the joys wedding planning. When JB and I started the exciting task of compiling the wedding list, we quickly realized that the excel spreadsheet of names was not just “ours,” but was also open to friends of parents and grandparents. As a result, the potential plus-ones were pouring out.

Here’s some plus-one perspective: I am a very fortunate bride-to-be with a large family of people who are all extremely close. My girl cousins have always been mistaken for my sisters. Growing up, my grandmothers’ best friends were considered Great Aunts. It is certainly unique that my closest friends are those in my family. I can’t wait to have such amazing support and love on the big day. The more the merrier, right?

However, when I asked our wedding planner for the number of guests that could comfortably attend our venue, I realized selecting bridesmaids was no longer the biggest bridal hurdle. Although exclusivity has never been a strength of mine, I knew there was a magic number we would have to respect so that all guests could actually fit inside of the ballroom. Once our wedding list had exceeded maximum capacity, the potential for drama heightened.


Do posh brides recognize this dilemma? #WeddingListProblems

Here’s the ideal solution to an overpopulated wedding list: boot all plus-ones off the wedding island.

This plan is far easier said than done. The real question remains, which plus-ones are the exception? Originally, we decided that all friends who are not engaged or married will have to attend without their significant others. When JB broke the news to certain buds, most understood, few expressed annoyance, and then there were those who panicked with the realization that their girlfriends were plus-ones rather than priorities.

I advised JB to be very straightforward with his friends. Essentially, “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it.” These Beyoncé lyrics come with a caveat: with about four months left until wedding invites are finalized and sent, there’s still plenty of time for JB’s friends to pop the question and add their ladies to the list.


This Feyonce is in agreement with Beyoncé.

Photo credit: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/453596993693136833/

Unfortunately, the loss of a plus-one can detract from the excitement of a guest who is in a relationship. With that said, this rule does present the opportunity for groups of friends to reunite for an evening of dancing, drinking and posing at the photo booth. After breaking the news to a few of my close girlfriends in serious relationships, they plan on piling in one hotel room and dancing the night away. No men? No problem!

I am learning that the idea of booting all plus-ones is certainly flawed. Let’s circle back to one of JB’s college buddies who has had the same girlfriend for years. Even though there is no ring in sight, I happen to know his girlfriend very well. Over the course of many double dates she has become my friend independent of her man. Therefore, although not yet engaged this couple remains on the list.

Here’s an exception to ponder: Do Groomsmen and Bridesmaids get an automatic plus-one?

At the moment, I don’t have a firm “yes” or “no” answer, and I imagine other brides-to-be are in a similar sticky situation. Our wedding list remains a work in progress. After spending too many nights debating who is entitled to a plus-one, we decided to make a rule that overrides all others: every name on the list must be someone who we plan to personally embrace at our wedding. If the potential plus-one fits this rule, then they’re invited. However, if the bride or groom can’t even recognize the plus-one, he or she must be excluded. Every invitation counts!

Cutting down the wedding list is most definitely a dreaded activity. However, I advise brides to remember that your wedding is the ONE day you can be selective, and surround yourself with those who bring you and your fiancé the most joy.

As I continue to perfect the wedding list with JB, we have decided to eliminate the “plus-ones” on a case-by-case basis. I can only imagine what the future holds for our seating arrangements!

Follow Posh Petals and Pearls as I continue to blog my wedding plans with minimal drama.


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